Some marvellous quotes

Thanks to Mike's Funnies for these - some gems of profundity in amongst the funny stuff.

HUMOUR AND WISDOM

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. -- George Carlin

Love your enemies; it will drive them nuts. -- Eleanor Doan

Life may have no meaning. Or even worse, it may have a meaning of which I disapprove.-- Ashleigh Brilliant

Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you think Abraham Lincoln would be doing if he were alive today? 1. Writing his memoirs of the Civil War. 2. Advising the President. 3. Desperately clawing at the inside of his coffin.-- David Letterman

For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off.-- Johnny Carson

A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit. -- In the August 1993 issue, page 9, of PS magazine, the Army's magazine of preventive maintenance

The mind is not a vessel to be filled but a fire to be kindled. -- Plutarch

The only difference between me and a madman is that I am not mad. -- Salvador Dali

Sacred cows make the best hamburger.-- Mark Twain

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Where have I gone wrong?" Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night."-- Charlie Brown, "Peanuts" [Charles Schulz]

Calvin: People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world.
Hobbes: Isn't your pants' zipper supposed to be in the front?

I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.-- A Bit of Fry and Laurie

What is a committee? A group of the unwilling, picked from the unfit, to do the unnecessary.-- Richard Harkness, The New York Times, 1960

My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right. -- Ashleigh Brilliant

Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world.-- Dave Barry

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants. -- A. Whitney Brown

A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.-- William James

We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it--and stop there; lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove-lid. She will never sit down on a hot stove-lid again, and that is well; but also she will never sit down on a cold one anymore.-- Mark Twain

Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.-- F.P. Jones

Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.-- Douglas Adams, Last Chance to See

I think that all right-thinking people in this country are sick and tired of being told that ordinary, decent people are fed up in this country with being sick and tired. I'm certainly not! But I'm sick and tired of being told that I am!-- Monty Python

One can never consent to creep when one feels an impulse to soar.--Helen Keller

(Love that last one - SY)